Contemplating Stregth of the Life

This is the hawker stall which i always have my dinner
It was dark, dirty and unhealthy
yet i have no way out
the only thing is i need to learn to bear with it and longing for the day which i can get rid out of a places where i not belonged to...

yesterday a little bit of depress duty in the emergency room
because i always asked to do some "stupid" jobs and learn nothing

the jobs which i meant to be "stupid" are :
sending patient to radiology department for either X-ray or CT-scan
tat's still OK for me
cleaning the blood which the patient vomited out on the floor
tat's still not the worse
Cleaning the faces which gushing out from the patient stomach due to the failure closure of the colon
tat's worse !
Bringing the pee-pot for the patient to pass water and after that i am the one who need to wash the pee-pot !!!!
tat's the worst thing to me !

Maybe i really not mighty enough to be a great doctor...
frankly speaking, i really dislike those jobs...
Starting salute the nurses...
because nurse is the one who need to endure all of these...

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I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round.
I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears.
I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by.
I get a little bit restless and I dream of something wild.
I get a little bit helpless and I wish i could lying like a child in your arms.
I get a little bit angry and I know I've got to get out and cry.

I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark.
I'm living in a powder keg and giving off sparks.

Once upon a time I was falling in love but now I'm only falling apart.
Once upon a time there was light in my life but now there's only love in the dark.

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Well, stop writing the distressing words nor sentences...
because

"Those who contemplate the beauty of the earth find resources of strength that will endure as long as life lasts."
- Rachel Carson

and I am very sure that
I will contemplate it in the very near future !